Sorry

Sorry, I have abandoned you.
I had no right and in no way am I leaving up to the expectations of the readers, even if they don't exist. It wasn't all in my hands, travel took over. But in the end I started to drown losing interest and any initiative. It's almost natural instinctual, but with so much time off and the summer, I start to deteriorate, and it seams irreversible. I want to get back on schedule, I need school to start. Otherwise I feel I will deteriorate. I'm not writing, studying, just endlessly looking through the nothing of cyber space. Knowing it's wrong and failing to take control.
What has become of me? Where is that motivation and fierceness that pushed me to fight for everything and to win?
It takes one inch of water to drown, but there isn't even that much. Drowning on Dry Land- a song, also an episode of Grey's Anatomy, so fitting. This makes me sound morbid and depressed, yet it is so unfitting to my position. I should be happy, my life could not be better, and anyone else would. pas moi. We all get periods to be miserble, but this has been dragging on in a mundane monotone.
Just another week I should be OK, or so I delude myself. but a new chool has to breath life into me, so many new experiences, such a change, can't leave a person lifeless. No it takes over with addreneline, caffeine and new life. And while it would be logical to take over my state and get into action, I don't, just hope and wait for the new to bring me life.