Stop

I am stopping this blog now
not really a hitatus, just stuff. Maybe I'll post eventually, but nothing matters much with it. Life is crazy, life is love
good bye.

Back, love of theater, life,

So I am writing, maybe i will finish this post for once. There is oh so much to say, and my attention spell is oh so short. But life is amazing. LOVE LOVE LOVE (not a guy, sadly).
Looking back a couple of months, when everything seamed short of depression, I couldn't imagine saying this. Now here I am almost half way through my first year at TJ. Here are 5 things I learned. And in case you are some weird person, trying to find out things about my school, I am an anamoly and a creeper, don't consider this accurate for all.

1. GRADES AREN'T EVERYTHING
I come to this at TJ the nerd school, that took me like a 4.0 to get in. But really straight As aren't everything B+s on report cards are OK. You don't need a 4.0 to get into college, at least there is no point in obsessing over it yet. Plus you can either have your whole life / 8th periods be about bio. Or you can laugh meet people, LIVE. No grades matter, grades aren't everything. You have to learn it some time. Even if it is "situationally ironic".

2. AHH UPPERCLASSMEN
Once again this is my dear mental institution, so who knows what it is like at base school. So upperclassmen: big, scary, creepy. But they don't hurt little freshies really. What happens is, freshmen exist in their own universe, and so do the rest of the grades. Maybe because we are scarred, avoidant, stick in packs. Maybe because most of our classes don't mix grades. But they are awesome, my dear immature kids. See they want to help freshmen, freshmen just shy away. And they are amazing people, not that I know them, I can say that. Freshmen get to know them! This means not your mentors, just because i say hi to an upperclassmen doesn't mean they are my mentor. Go out explore the world. Warning: some of their weirdness, may rub off on you. But even now i can't imagine life, when the seniors are gone.

3. Love is an ick
No comment, because I am too shy. Life is not a Disney movie, even at TJ. It's ironic, all my friends see the obnoxiousness or whatever, I can't! Give me the power to be less shy, give me the magic to fall in love.

4. YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR POTENTIAL
It is possible to survive with almost no sleep, and get through 100 killer tests, and even those 2 hours on the bus, you can live. You get surprised but how much you can get through. Then again freshmen year makes you so mature, to the point of no return. Then you deal with things you wouldn't expect. You handle them how you wouldn't expect. I am sorry if this is offensive, but i am referring to my L and Gs, I don't care personally. Just shy, but I came today didn't I. So yes, you know who you are, I do not care. Plus controversy apparently makes popular blogs.



5. TJ DRAMA IS LOVE LOVE LOVE
Thats all I love y'all so much, you make me grow, here is what I now know (caution: inside jokage ahead)

• There is 18.268 L if primer
• Landmark Smoothies are amazing for real
• Blacks are harder to buy then it seams
• You can go through to weeks with no sleep
• The cookies the main sponsor makes are heavenly
• Wood room
• Don't trust people in Assasins
• Don't trust the most reliable people
• Do not even think if trusting anyone fully ever
• Touch Phsyce(sp?) die
• Free fallin/ circle/ american pie
• Get paint on the metal = die
• Fences are just <3/hate
• Flans are a tasty dessert XD
• Tech scare actors, pawning them
• Green Room books
• so much more

Sorry I rambled, I hope someone still reads this. feel free to comment.
Question( also supposed to attract listeners): What did you learn freshmen year?

feet

I just ran through the grass barefoot, and it felt like nothing else. It was like a childish sensation, that feels your heart with joy. Nothing compares to feeling the grass, the texture of the driveway against your toes, squishing between your feet. I just ran through the grass barefoot.
Yet with all the glorious sensation of this, it reminded me inevitably of camp....and E. When barefootness wasn't just a moment of spontaneousness, but a way of life. You'd do it anytime, it was possible: not during activities, but every minute in between. Sometimes the counselors would tell you to stop, but you'd do it the next day. They did it all the time, why couldn't you. It felt natural, the grass softer then any rug, the mud squeezing between your toes. Not that you minded. No, mud was good, it made the random patch of grass behind the dinning hall, pleasant to walk on. Mud smoothed the rocks, and it felt good. And in any chance it was better then shoes that never dried or go clean of the mud. Feet were meant for this, they didn't care. And it was camp, dirty feet bothered no one. Those were the times.
I ran through the grass barefoot. It made me feel like it was summer again. Like those precious week of carelessness, that put life in a fresh perspective. It is not yet cold, fall hadn't taken over everything. But summer is gone, the tiresome page or reality has begun. No longer will it be warm enough to kick off your shoes outside. Nor will there be time or mood. But for now it felt a bit better, like summer is still possible. I ran through the grass barefoot today.

Why

Why am I not writing at all? Not here, not in my novel land. In fact I feel like I am cheating writing here instead of my novel, oh and lets not forget I need to read more. And and I am falling apart already, this is to early in the year. SERIOUSLY, what is happening to me! Craziness.
Ah well people are annoying me with hatred of the new Facebook- why don't I write about that. Too lazy? Tired? uninspired? I need motive, before I fall apart once and for all.

mehhh-don't you love that word

Is it a trend, that I promise to write, then don't. I have an excuse school. It came like a monstrous wave, aside from the fact that the teachers simply plunged into it, I also got overwhelmed and over exhausted. But since this blog was intitaly dedicated to school might as well rant about it. I think i am starting to learn the ups and downs of TJ or just high school in general. There were so many disappointments, that it seamed impossible to believe this is one of the best schools in the country. Later I will:
a. write more in depth about everything.
b. change my mind, when I have more time to adjust and be rational about things.

So the first big disappointment is the teachers, I mean I didn't expect perfection, but what I got was far from it. Just a starting line up:
Gym: Yeah lets NOT go there
CompSci: Kind of nice, but nothing special or caring about.
Math: Boring, and by rumors mean. The class is boring and easy in general, did I mention that.
French: Mehhh that covers it. Compared to last year, oh well no one can compare to the stellar Mrs.R and her cochon dingue, who I named my forum after. She is the one teacher from last year I miss. And instead of anything good I get this.
Tech: Okay he is one of the few good ones. It is his second year teaching and he is laid back and fun.
English: She is happy, it's actually scary how much she smiles. Either its superficial or she is messing with my world view. No one is so happy all the time. Plus I heard her teaching style isn't the best.
Bio: Nice, she intimidates us about things, but not in a bad way. But her class is really hard, though past students love her in the end. We will see? As I want her to remain one of the two good teachers.
And thats it, making Red Day have all the good teachers (and English) and Blue Day. Those are our blocks by the way.
Also everyone has lunch at the same time, sounds great? I thought so too. But having the freedom, makes it harder to get everyone together or decide who of your friends to sit with.....but I think it will work out on its own.
And the 1 hour+ bus ride/ twice a day is no good.
Despite the general mehness I will now turn to the positive.
HIGH SCHOOL= FREEDOM! thats it there is nothing else to say. And that helps it makes it all Okay. Plus all the awesome new people I met.
Like I mentioned before I am tired, and am going to have tea and sleep.

Sorry

Sorry, I have abandoned you.
I had no right and in no way am I leaving up to the expectations of the readers, even if they don't exist. It wasn't all in my hands, travel took over. But in the end I started to drown losing interest and any initiative. It's almost natural instinctual, but with so much time off and the summer, I start to deteriorate, and it seams irreversible. I want to get back on schedule, I need school to start. Otherwise I feel I will deteriorate. I'm not writing, studying, just endlessly looking through the nothing of cyber space. Knowing it's wrong and failing to take control.
What has become of me? Where is that motivation and fierceness that pushed me to fight for everything and to win?
It takes one inch of water to drown, but there isn't even that much. Drowning on Dry Land- a song, also an episode of Grey's Anatomy, so fitting. This makes me sound morbid and depressed, yet it is so unfitting to my position. I should be happy, my life could not be better, and anyone else would. pas moi. We all get periods to be miserble, but this has been dragging on in a mundane monotone.
Just another week I should be OK, or so I delude myself. but a new chool has to breath life into me, so many new experiences, such a change, can't leave a person lifeless. No it takes over with addreneline, caffeine and new life. And while it would be logical to take over my state and get into action, I don't, just hope and wait for the new to bring me life.

Arh